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Dear Mama (and Dad if you’re also reading this),
You’ve had a beautiful baby. For the past few weeks and months, you’ve been able to have endless cuddles and be loved on by that tiny human, who knows nothing about what is happening in the world right now. But the time has come to think about the future and whether to go back to work or not.
Some of you have decided that you want to be a stay-at-home Mum for the foreseeable future or are already stay-at-home Mums. Maybe it was because you found child care was going to be too expensive or maybe it was just what you feel is calling for you. Regardless you’ve given your notice and you're ready to spend your days with your baby.
But not everyone is going to find that choice is right for them. Some of you will decide to go back to work. For some it’s financial, for some you love your work, and for some going back to work is just going to be beneficial for your mental health so when you are with your kids you are a better parent.
Some of you have amazing husbands or partners who are going to stay at home with your baby. Some of you have family who is going to care for them. And some of you have decided to go down the child care route.
Regardless of who is going to care for your child, it’s an emotional time especially as we’ve been in a pandemic and many babies haven’t been around people other than their immediate family. But, pandemic or no pandemic, it would be an emotional time as you prepare yourself to say goodbye to your child for the majority of your day.
AJ is my first and due to how things are in my personal life, I’m not sure if I will be going back to work until next year. However I have been on the other side of this as I’m normally the person taking care of the babies when their parents go back to work, and in wanted to let you know a few things so you’re a little more prepared for what is about to come.
Firstly you are not a bad Mum or Dad for deciding to do this. Not everyone has the luxury of being able to stay home with their kids and not everyone can mentally take staying home with their kids despite how much they love them. You are doing what is best for you and your family and that is what matters.
Your baby will not forget you. It may take a while for them to get excited to see you when you first start dropping them off or arriving home but that is normal as they are still learning about their world and how it works. On a related note, do not feel bad if you message during the day to see how they are. They are your child and it is natural to want updates. I worked for a family for nearly 3 years and every day I got a message from the boys Mum checking to see how the boys were and how I was, especially as my pregnancy progressed. I didn’t feel like she was imposing, just that she was making sure we were all ok.
You're going to see your baby grow relationships with others and it’s going to warm your heart. It may even make you feel a bit jealous and envious. It’s normal to feel that way. But instead of looking at it like your baby likes someone better, look at it as your baby feels so safe with the person caring for them that they’re growing to love them. That your baby is building strong relationships and those relationships are going to help them learn and not feel so anxious when you go to work. It’s also going to help you as that relationship goes both ways and you know that their carer loves your baby just as much as your baby loves them and they’re going to be so well taken care of while you’re not there.
Talk with their carer about their day. Find out what went wrong and what went well, we’re they eating well, we’re they a little off their food, we’re they having regular movements. Debriefing about the day is important as you’ll learn amazing information that you can then use as they get bigger to talk to them about. It will also help you if their carer has noticed symptoms of illness during the day so you’re prepared. Do the same in the morning and let the carer know about that night- if they slept well, if they were a little unwell, etc. The sharing of this information will help your child get the best care.
You’re going to feel all the emotions in the beginning. It’s going to feel like a roller coaster.
And that is ok.
Your feelings are valid.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Your baby is not going to hate you for this decision later on down the line. They’re not going to hate you now for making this decision. Sure in a few months time they may decide Dad is their favourite, but that’s not going to be because you decided to go back to work. That’s just going be because it’s developmentally normal and Dad may throw them on the bed and you don’t.
Just remember that at the end of the day when you are done with work, you get to go home and love on them and play with them. You get to see the new things they learnt or the new things they created. When they get older you’re going to hear them chat happily about the games they played with their ever-changing best friend and the funny song they sung that day.
It’s ok to get there early and play with them before you go to work.
It’s ok to smother them with kisses before you leave.
It’s ok to call their other parent and talk about how your feeling.
It’s ok to hug them tighter when you pick them up.
It’s ok to hold them a little longer at night before you put them to bed.
It’s all ok.
It’s all a sign of how much you love them and no one should feel bad for that.
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