For me silence is mind-numbing.

Wait. That may not be the right word for it.

There is something about silence that makes the day feel like it’s going on forever and while it’s not anxiety-driven, I do find that I’m a lot more fidgety and I need to find something to occupy my mind constantly, which is usually checking social media.

This is something that is nothing new. I used to hate working in class when we had to be silent. My mind would be half on what we were meant to be doing and half on the clock waiting for the bell to ring.

The only time when I find silence is helpful is when I’ve got writer's block or I’m reading. Otherwise, I have to have some form of noise around me.

This whole thing is one of the reasons why I loved and still love being a nanny. Didn’t matter what was happening there was always some kind of noise happening.

Mama Be Kind To Yourself

Yesterday I finally broke. 

I have been isolating at home basically since AJ was born in January. We limited the amount of time we had outside to protect her until she had her six week shots and then waited another 2 weeks. By the end of that I was ready to start getting out and doing things like going to the library, play group, etc.

But by then the COVID-19 pandemic had hit Australia's shores and the social distancing started. 

At first it was ok. I was a home body anyway. Staying at home was totally fine by me, especially as it protected myself from catching this illness that had the potential to do a lot of harm to my body as I'm an asthmatic. Then we moved and suddenly I was in a new town and knew no one except for AJ's Dad. 

So You're Going Back To Work...

Dear Mama (and Dad if you’re also reading this),

You’ve had a beautiful baby. For the past few weeks and months, you’ve been able to have endless cuddles and be loved on by that tiny human, who knows nothing about what is happening in the world right now. But the time has come to think about the future and whether to go back to work or not.

Some of you have decided that you want to be a stay-at-home Mum for the foreseeable future or are already stay-at-home Mums. Maybe it was because you found child care was going to be too expensive or maybe it was just what you feel is calling for you. Regardless you’ve given your notice and you're ready to spend your days with your baby.

But not everyone is going to find that choice is right for them. Some of you will decide to go back to work. For some it’s financial, for some you love your work, and for some going back to work is just going to be beneficial for your mental health so when you are with your kids you are a better parent. 

With that decision to go back to work comes another one - who is going to take care of them?

What is Motherhood?

I recently wrote an Instagram post that seemed to resonate with some people regarding what motherhood is. It all started with a post by The Southernish Mama; she was writing about what motherhood was to her and then asked the question about what it was to others. The question hit me because recently it was something that I had been thinking about a lot.

A few weeks ago, one of my bosses messaged me to check in and see how everything was going as AJ’s arrival had come earlier than we had all expected. We were chatting back and forth on how I was going and how her and her boys were going when she asked me if things felt any different. It was a hard question to answer as while I felt like it was different it was hard to put into words what it was that was different. Then AJ was admitted to hospital for abnormal breathing and suddenly I realised why being a mother was so different to being a nanny.

You see for over a decade, I was in a job that I loved. Sure, it had its down points but overall, I loved being a nanny. I loved getting out and doing things with the kids like going to the zoo or playing in the park or just going down to the local café for a milkshake after school. I loved helping them get out into the world and discover new things about it and themselves. I loved helping their parents raise these amazing little humans during happy times and supporting them through challenging times. I created bonds with so many of the families that I work with that I still keep in contact with them over Facebook so we can keep up to date with our lives and let me just tell you it is shocking when you see your first nanny kid start high school!